Why?

Why im i always like this. no matter what i do i can't change the past and what i've done. it seems life doesn't want me to have a good life. i don't know why bad things happen to me, fate destiny, or watherevr. i need to find a purpose in life. i don't know what to do. i feel so lost and consumed by something inside me. my inner hallow or my past self. when i meet someone i don't want them to have someone like me as a friend. i come home and i cry, but i don't show it to anyone. i need someone or an event that can change that.  i want to feel i was meant for something on this world